Blake Kern

Blake Kern

- Paleolithic Diet - 

The child twisted the orange cap on the glue bottle and released the trapped air within. He

held the glue bottle firmly in his left hand and tilted it ever so slightly. The white ooze began to

slowly seep from the cap and drop towards the floor. Before it could make contact with the dark

wooded floor of the child’s room, he caught the droplet on his right index finger. The lukewarm

glue now sat on his finger, and he began to rub it upon his thumb. With one blow the glue dried

and, as it hardened, he peeled it away. The remnants of the liquid adhesive now sat in the palm of

his hand and he examined them closely. He rolled the hard, but still malleable, glue into a ball

and let it roll off onto the floor. He could sit for hours, alone, letting the glue harden and then

peel away. It was a release, and a moment of control for the boy. Nobody threatened his glue-ball

making abilities, and he decided upon their every size.

The glue struck the hardwood floor and rolled into a sea of dinosaur figurines. It collided

with the first plastic statuette, and ceased movement. His dinosaur collection was immaculate,

covering nearly every square inch of the floor. There were tyrannosaurus rex figures of nearly

every color scheme and velociraptors stood almost as numerous. The long neck of the

brontosaurus towered over all, but the deep grey brachiosaurus threatened the height advantage

of its fellow sauropod. In the sea of colored plastic, one lone stegosaurus seemed to wind through

the other prehistoric beasts hoping to go unnoticed. If the animals limited to movement on the

ground weren’t enough, above the boy’s head were numerous pterodactyls hanging from

transparent fishing line and swaying with the slow movement of the ceiling fan. The boy was

proud of his collection. He picked up a red and white t-rex and pushed it into the larger deep

green brontosaurus, causing the long-necked creature to topple over and clink onto the floor. He

lifted his hand high above his head, still holding the dominant, and now victorious, t-rex and

swayed the figure through the air. He smiled at what he had created, and placed the miniature

statue gracefully back amongst its fellow dinosaurs. The boy glanced up at the clock above his

doorway, and as he did two honks sounded from the school bus outside.

The boy quickly scraped up as many animals as he could hold in his hands, swung the

door open with his foot and trampled down the stairs. He scooped up his tin lunchbox, and a

small note fluttered to the floor. He lifted it up, and read “Happy 11th

birthday, sweetheart! Sorry

Mommy can’t be there this morning, but dinner will be your favorite tonight! Have a good day at

school, and remember your breathing!” The boy let out a meager sigh. His mother was never

there in the morning before school due to her going to work early. It had required him to wake

himself up for school, get dressed, and keep up with his personal hygiene. However, with all of

this responsibility, his mother religiously made his lunch. The notes always helped. He quickly

opened the lunchbox and dumped the collectibles in along with his food. Time for school.

The boy paused, momentarily, behind his front door. He took a deep breath and opened

it. The early morning sun beamed down and reflected off of his silver lunch pail. It was a cool

morning, as the dew seemed to lift off of the grass and blow upon the boy’s face as he slowly

approached the long yellow bus. The hydraulic pumps let out a “pssssshhht” and the two doors

swung open. Apprehensively, the boy climbed the three steep steps up to the level of his fellow

classmates. The children already aboard the bus were incredibly rambunctious, as paper flew

across the rows of grey leather seats. Laughter and screams bounced off of the metal walls, and

backpacks were strewn across the floor. This was always the worst moment for the boy—finding

a seat. He took one more deep breath and began his long journey along the black rubber floor,

and through the treacherous sea of backpacks. He felt as though thousands of eyes were glued to

him as he moved slowly toward what he hoped would be an empty row. He clinched his fist

around the red handle of his lunchbox and navigated his way through the judging children. His

hands shook nervously as he prayed that no foot would emerge out into the aisle. He hoped no

crumpled paper ball would knock his glasses to the floor. He wanted to go in peace. He took his

steps cautiously, taking his time so as to avoid any embarrassment. He spotted an empty row at

the very back of the bus, and quickened his movement. Just as he felt that moment of release, his

foot became entangled in the black straps of a backpack upon the floor. He took one step, and the

weight from the backpack pulled him back and off balance. He began to fall. He wished he could

control the outcome, just as he could control his figurines all strewn upon his floor at home. The

child wanted desperately to be underneath his swinging prehistoric animals; he wanted to grip

that beautiful t-rex and swing it through the air. His knees hit first and then his elbows. His

lunchbox was launched in front of him, breaking open and releasing his wild figurines.

Everything was black for a moment, and then he slowly opened his eyes. Wild laughter

ensued amongst his harsh audience. Fingers pointed at him as he struggled to stand, still tightly

bound to that unforeseen black strap. He looked around watching the brace-filled smiles and

bouncing ponytails. He managed to lift himself up, and he looked ahead towards his fallen

lunchbox. He frantically scooped it up, and began to fill it back up with the fallen figures. He

snatched his lunch off of the ground and threw it on top of his statues, but then glanced to the

left. He noticed another boy holding one of his precious figurines loosely and with a confused

look on his face. The boy twisted the dinosaur through his fingers, as if examining its every

detail. A new friend, maybe? Without warning he seized the dinosaur from the boy’s hand and

made haste to the empty row. The doors squeaked shut and the bus began to roll forward. The

laughter did not stop, as the child now stooped his head below the seat back in front of him,

shielding himself from the relentless onslaught of ridicule.

The bus finally pulled through the horseshoe shaped road to the main entrance of the

school. The doors swung open, and the children rushed out into the daylight. The boy waited as

all of the children exited before standing and slowly making his way to the doors. He took two

deep breaths and stepped out and walked slowly up the brick pathway towards the main school

hall. Math class. The boy wandered down the cold halls of the school, and past the green and

yellow lockers. He approached the large red metal door that shielded his monotone and

lackluster math teacher from the passing students. He still gripped his lunchbox tightly and

slowly creaked open the door. Many students had already filled the desks of the room, and his

entrance invited the students to turn their talking to whispers. The boy imagined that the children

were all telling the tale of the his fall of the bus. He counted to three in his head slowly, and

made his way to the back left desk. He set his backpack beside the desk and placed his lunchbox

behind him on the ground. As the shriek of the bell sounded, and the students began to quiet

down, he took his seat.

His teacher’s voice began slowly and painfully. The words drifted from his lips as if

sending out a lullaby of mathematical equations and multiplication tables. The boy sat still, but

slowly his mind wandered. He now stood deep in a wooded realm. Towering over him, the trees

swayed slightly in the wind. Their branches were scraggly and plenty, revealing innumerable

needle-like green leaves. The air was damp, and the boy could taste a salty mist as he gazed

above at the shielding treetops. He moved his eyes slowly down the deep brown bark, and

leveled them straight ahead. Tall ferns intertwined with flowering plants filled the forest and

small bright green shrubs occupied all other space in between the towering trees. His eyes

wandered, and he noticed a large rock structure ahead, covered in a green moss. He took his first

step. The ground crunched as he moved towards the massive stone. Step after step he felt the

ground become compact beneath his feet. As he approached the stone structure, he noticed it had

an opening. The hole in the rock stood tall and wide, but held a darkness that caused the boy to

tremble. Eager to explore, the boy slowly approached the entrance to the stone cave. As he

neared the darkness, he was halted by a deep and vaporous exhalation that radiated out of the

cavern. He froze, and his heartbeat quickened. The exhalation sounded once more, and the boy

was filled with a mixture of both terror and excitement. He slowly stepped behind the thick trunk

of a surrounding tree, and waited. Within moments, the bellowing sound of a heavy footstep was

sent out of the cave. The steps began to quicken, and—brrrrriinng. The bell shrieked again, and

the boy was wakened to the reality of his math class.

He longed to taste that salty air and wanted desperately to feel the leafy ground crunch

beneath his feet. His dreams were filled with adventurous expeditions through the prehistoric

forest, watching dinosaurs roam through the trees, and out on the grassy open plains. In his

dreams, he had seen and heard it all: the high-pitched shrill of the soaring pterodactyls, and felt

the earth vibrate with the steps of the brachiosaurus. Scooping up his lunch pail, he put on his

backpack and headed towards the door. He swung it open and glanced down the hall and into the

sea of children. 1…2…3 and he took his first step. He could feel the numerous eyes glaring at

him, holding him in every way accountable for his accident on the bus. He ignored the other

students and made his way down the hall to his next classroom. Holding the lunchbox close to

his side, he protected his precious animal figurines. English class.

The English teacher was less monotonous and dull than his math teacher; however, the

child was eager to travel back to the cave. The last empty seat was, fortunately, in the very rear

of the classroom. Moving cautiously through the rows he took his seat, and the bell rang. The

teacher adjusted his tie and slowly began, “There are a whole lot of things in this world of ours

you haven’t even started wondering about yet”

The class had been reading Roald Dahl’s James and the Giant Peach, and these

imaginative quotes inspired the young boy that occupied the furthest seat from the front. So he

did begin wonder, and his mind did begin to wander.

Back to the cave. He stood with goose bumps trailing down his spine and he waited for

the next sound. The unknown creature grunted noisily and the steps continued from deep in the

hollow. Only the child’s eyes seemed to peer around the branch, and slowly the first foot began

to emerge from the darkness. Three long scaly talons gripped the earth. The claws that emerged

from the ends of the talons were long and resembled carved knives. Sinking deeper into the

earth, these beastly traits began to shift slowly. One more grunt, and the beast emerged from the

darkness. Two tree trunk sized legs supported the massive body of the dinosaur. The animal was

a deep and imperfect brown with what seemed to be armor plated skin. The boy’s eyes did not

blink as he focused now on the enormous head of the creature. Moving his eyes up he noticed

two small arms protruding from the animal’s muscular chest. The head preceded the animal’s

body, and it swayed while exhaling slowly from the two bowling ball sized nostrils. The animal

panned the forest before moving forward with two slow, booming steps. The boy trembled with

excitement now and he recognized the beast. The mighty tyrannosaurus rex was only a few yards

from where the child now stood. Only a few seconds and the monumental animal noticed the

boy’s presence. Their eyes met and the boy smiled, only slightly, as he was face to face with his

long lost friend.

Brrrrriinng…and the bell sounded, marking lunchtime.

The boy longed for a few more moments with the colossal beast. He wanted to stay in

that vast forest, and wanted to never return. He exhaled heavily as he made his way back to

earth, and looked around the classroom at his fellow students. He slid on his backpack, took hold

of his lunch pail and headed towards the cafeteria. Boys and girls settled into their usual cliques

at the circular lunch tables, chatting and gossiping about the morning’s events. The boy found his

usual space at a corner table, alone.

The boy popped open his lunch pail and removed the numerous statuettes. He set them

pleasingly on the table upright and then moved his hands towards removing his food. First the

cookie, then the banana; however, as he reached for his sandwich he noticed something

incredible. His heart slowed as he examined the sandwich. His peanut butter and honey sandwich

was now unwrapped and had a large and jagged bite mark taken out of it. The sandwich had been

bitten into by something nonhuman, and the boy glistened with excitement. He ran his fingers

over the serrated edge of the now bitten sandwich. The boy slowly focused his eyes on his

favorite figurine—the magnificent red and white t-rex. The open mouthed statuette’s teeth were

sharp and spiky, and coated on the two largest front teeth was a small amount of peanut butter.

The boy exhaled slowly, and relaxed as he sat back in his chair. Without restraint, the boy let out

a simple smile as he gripped his favorite toy tightly in his left hand.